Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Haus League Draft Recap

What up!

So, this is the Haus League. A NYC Fantasy Football League featuring the below:

The Teams

1) LTD - Hawaii Mike and Friends
2) Gatorade - Michael Smith
3) Food Network - Brian Lando
4) Sports Writer - Elena Bergeron
5) Re-Up Gang - Pusha-T, Doug Dozier, Ferris aka @fluxuryb
6) Wieden and Kennedy - Michael Burch
7) Complex - Noah and Jack Erwin
8) Baohaus - Eddie Huang
9) Four Square - Naveen
10) Skillshare - Malcolm Ong
11) No Reservations - Helen Cho, Jennifer Williams, Nicola Linge, Kate Guhl
12) No Mas - Chris Isenberg

Winner gets 3 seats from The Sporting News to any NY Yankees game in 2012. 4 rows back from home plate naw mean? Settings for the league: QB, 2 WR, 2 RB, 1 Flex, TE, K, DEF all hosted on ESPN.


The Draft was hilarious from jump. The Re-Up Gang representative called in from V.A. saying "Yo, I'ma be a few minutes late cause I'm at Quizno's." No doubt son, I like my shit toasted too. The No Reservations crew rolled mad deep with 4 people and then proceeded to take every white person available. For real, their team name was supposed to be Cats with Gats, but we vetoed that choice, henceforth, they are Wonder Bread.

Quote of the night belongs to Elena Bergeron aka Yung Berg because she always be gettin her chain snatched: After telling her that "the bottom of your draft is dope." Berg says to me, "My bottom is good, my top is good, so don't worry about the middle." Apparently she named her trap "Neil Rackers" cause that's what got taken in the middle...

Somewhere around the 10th Round, Isenberg exclaims, "Shit, this is a NFL Draft preview guide!" Yes, he bought a 5 month old magazine that would have prepared him for the draft in April, good shit dun. haha.

But some of the best comedy came with the picks... We'll go round by round for the sports fans

Round 1

The first reach was Re-Up Gang picking Michael Turner, but I liked the pick. There aren't that many sure bet running backs this year and Michael Turner is a sure thing when healthy. Yes, he usually limps through the last 1/3 of the season but Arian Foster already has a gimpy hamstring, Chris Johnson just signed, and Michael Vick has small children playing center and guard.

Aaron Rodgers and Tom Brady went ahead of Drew Brees. Every magazine is ranking Rodgers #1 at QB, but I disagree. Last year he outscored Brees by a tiny margin largely cause of Brees' INT's, but I don't see that happening again. Brees throws for more yards/TDs and with Ingram has an even better running back committee.

Round 2

Isenberg set off Round 2 by asking, "Is Frank Gore injured?" When is Frank Gore not injured? He is like Jenna Jameson. He always tears his vagina but not before he gets you 1500 total yards from scrimmage. Cho then of course took the best available white running back: Peyton Hillis. Great choice!

I reached and went for Megatron aka Calvin Johnson. Clearly, Andre Johnson and Roddy White should come off the board first, but I wanted to roll the dice. I think Stafford/Johnson are going to have break out years and Megatron wasn't going to make it back around so I took him.

Burch then REALLY reached and went for Felix Jones... I like him, but usually in the 5th Round. This was also the round that Lando and Gatorade really made their moves. Other people fucked up not taking Andre Johnson and Roddy White so they benefitted. Reminds of the years when Deuce McAlister or Jamal Lewis would fall to the 12th pick and pretty much whoever had him had a leg up.

This round also really changed the draft because people made a run on quarterbacks: Brees, Rivers, Rothelisberger, and Ryan all went.

Round 3

With 7 quarterbacks off the board, Lando/Complex/and Skillshare all went QB. While I really like Romo this year, I felt if Lando stuck to his script and grabbed Matt Forte or Larry Fitzgerald, he could have won the league right there. But, then again, if Romo outscores Brees or Brady, well, that's a steal.

That left only Gatorade and I without quarterbacks so I figured I'd sit out the quarterback run and grab either Josh Freeman, Eli Manning, or Matthew Stafford late since most people wouldn't go 2 QBs before rounding out the roster. So, I took the hardest mother fucker in football: LeGarette Blount. POW.

I really liked Re-Up Gang's pick of Larry Fitzgerald and Burch's Hakeem Nicks pick.

Round 4

Isenberg closed and opened round 4 really well with Santonio Holmes and then Matt Forte. In my opinion, they are both low-end #1 or high-end #2 guys at their position. Very solid 3rd and 4th round picks.

Then there was a run on people who have slept with Kim Kardashian as Miles Austin and Reggie Bush came off the board back-to-back. We tried to get Naveen from Four Square to draft Ray-J but he took Reggie Wayne instead.

Burch also made an interesting pick this round. If Jahvid Best and Mike Vick are both healthy, he probably wins the league this year even though he's a little weak at WR depth.

Round 5

I feel the talent at RB drops off significantly after Ahmad Bradshaw and Gatorade made a great pick in the beginning of the 5th taking him. I had Tim Hightower all ready to go in my queue when BAM, Complex takes him right before me. Heartbreak... then what usually comes after heart break, good sex and V.D. = Vernon Davis.

Skillshare had a nice pick towards the end of the round taking The Law Firm: Benjarvus Green-Ellis.

Round 6

Isenberg again rocked the boat and took Josh Freeman... Really? He already took Tom Brady in the 1st and he takes Freeman in the 6th. I have to admit, I had my eye on Freeman and Isenberg knew so he's dangling the man as trade bait... we'll see.

Cho and Friends then went back to the well and took best available white person at WR, Austin Collie. Re-Up Gang then pulled an Isenberg and also doubled up on QBs taking Jay Cutler.

Lando grabbed Jimmy Graham and made a lot of people sad. Seems like Graham is the guy most people are stashing as their sleeper TE.

Round 7

This is where it starts to get tough. Starters are few and far between, but Complex made a great pick in Kellen Winslow. Lando took Kenny Britt, Four Square took Maclin, Skillshare took Sidney Rice, Isenberg took Plaxico and I took Santana Moss. After that round, the only leget starting WR left was Malcolm Floyd.

Oh yea, the No Rez homies took Cedric Benson this round. AWESOME.

Round 8

Finally, the staring contest for QBs between Gatorade and I ended. I broke the seal taking Eli Manning and Gatorade then took Matthew Stafford. Well played homie. Both of us were waiting for either Eli or Stafford to come off the board and if one of them did, we'd jump on it. I really like Stafford but since I already had Megatron, I figured I'd hedge my bets and take Eli.

Isenberg again had a nice pick with James Starks and Hawaii Mike snagged CJ Spiller to close out the round. If Buffalo ever figures out how to use the kid, he will be nasty.

Round 9

This is where shit got real stupid. Elena Bergeron took her MANS Neil Rackers aka "the middle" and Burch made the only good pick of the round: Lee Evans. I had him stashed and think that across Anquan Boldin with Joe Flacco throwing him the ball, Lee Evans is finally going to go ape shit. In a strange way, Lee Evans' career is mirroring Chris Chambers. Fast, acrobatic, WR who never got in a good place till late.

I would continue recapping but for real, no one wants to hear about people drafint Larod Stephens Howling or "The Jaccuzzi" Jacquez Rodgers.

FYI, Elena tells us Marques Colston is pronounced "Marcus" henceforth, I will spell my name Eqqie but you can call me Eddie.

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