Team Lando. Team G Series. Repping food and drink hard. The only two Draft participants who participated via Google Docs. Voiceless. But now they're being heard, as the last remaining undefeated teams in The Haus League.
How they got through week three unscathed? Wildly different ways.
G Series came out of the gates fast with a team-wide effort, with 4 players over 20 points, and 7 over 15, effectively wasting what was a solid effort by Superiority Complex, 169 - 113.5. Solid days by Matt Schaub and LeSean McCoy all for naught. G Series was just too strong, rocking both an optimal lineup and Jamaal Charles somehow still on the bench waving the towel for his teammates like Brian Scalabrine.
In the meantime, the streets are buzzing for Lando. During Monday Night Football, relying solely on the Dallas Cowboys, Lando dropped the heat rock that is his new mixtape.
Drake totally jacked the cover and title but never swagged it out with the ill Food Network water bottle on the desk. Despite a painful Kenny Britt ACL/MCL combo platter, Lando needed just 11 points from the Dallas D to beat Bougie Banton. And he had just 10 as time was ticking away and Sexy Rexy had the ball.
But then Rex got in the studio. Dropped Rex on Rex on Rex.
Did Rex-type things. Like fumbling away the game in a very Rex-like way. With that, another two points for Lando, and another epic L for she who loves having her chain snatched, our very own Yung Berg. Note to Berg, if his name starts with De, don't start him.
Now to go around the rest of the league -
Michael Vick down? No problem. Eddie's new look squad continued to count on Megatron and his 25.5 points. Cats with Gats' predominantly Caucasian team didn't show up to work. Peyton Hillis? Out. Dallas Clark? Benched. Reggie Bush? Rocking the visor. Even leaving Dwayne Bowe on the bench in his only good week, Eddie prevailed, moving to 2-1.
73 points. Yes, 73. That's what happens when Tom Brady leaves the Uggs in his wife's closet and hooks up with Wes Welker all day. Pause. Unfortunately Isenberg's other 7 players accounted for only 23.5. Ouch. Skillshare, on the other hand, continued their positive streak, eking out the W with no-show performances by BenJarvus, Jordy, and Dexter. Reading that last sentence back, we can't be shocked. Ryan Mathews continues to be a positive surprise for the Skillshare crew.
Number one sign you might have had a bad draft: LaDainian Tomlinson leads your team in points in week 3. In 2011. With very little else positive for the Re Up Gang, the door was open for Marcus and Hawaii Mike from LTD to notch their first W.
And they were pumped. Fucking ebullient. I mean, just look at Hawaii's face.
But for real, LTD finally showed up in the building. Sanchez, Jermichael, and Jennings (who, coincidentally, did his best to put the team on his back, doe) beat Re Up alone. Don't worry, though, Pusha, we won't fuck with you.
Eddie picked against my boys last week. I'll admit it, it hurt a little, but I knew it was because he got the short end of the stick in our trade. Vick got nearly concussed again, broke his hand, and complained about how little respect he gets. Unfortunately, this isn't the Grantland.com Bad Quarterback Fantasy League and you get no love for any of that. In the meantime, Joe Flacco went off. 25-fantasy-points-in-the-first-quarter type off. Also buoyed by the dominant Ravens D, my team overcame slow days by both recently acquired RBs to defeat Foursquare and its combo of Drew Brees, Run DMC, and maybe nobody else. Note to Naveen, Curtis Painter to Reggie Wayne? Not all day.
The Week 3 Standings -
Look for Bougie to make some disappointing moves coming up. She's already 0 and 3 and threatening to bench my boy Ray Rice, who just so happens to take his Sunday morning Sheet in the locker room. And Re Up? No prescription for that ailment.
Finally, week three of Oh Shit, I left him on my Bench?
- Fred Jackson (RB, Buffalo) - 23.5 points (Foursquare started Johnathan Stewart, 8.5 pts)
- Lance Moore (WR, New Orleans) - 22.5 points (Skillshare started BenJarvus Green-Ellis, 1 pt)
- Jay Cutler (QB, Chicago) - 21 points (Re Up Gang started Phil Rivers, 6 pts)
- Nate Washington (WR, Tennessee) - 19 points (Bougie Banton started DeSean Jackson, 4 pts)
- Brandon Pettigrew (TE, Detroit) - 16.5 points (Bougie Banton started Tony Gonzalez, 8 pts)
- Felix Jones (RB, Dallas) - 16.5 points (BMore Careful started Steve Smith, 2pts)
- Greg Olsen (TE, Carolina) - 16.5 points (Skillshare started Scott Chandler, 8 pts)
- Dwayne Bowe (WR, Kansas City) - 14 points (Cytherea's Ark started A.J. Green, 4 pts)
- Julio Jones (WR, Atlanta) - 14 points (Lando started Kenny Britt, 0.5 pts. Makes sense, but now Lando's Britt'less and vulnerable)
- Brandon Jacobs (RB, NY Giants) - 14 points (Cats with Gats started Seattle's Mike Williams, goose egg. We doubt the Cats have seen how bad Seattle is)
- Plaxico Burress (WR, NY Jets) - 12.5 points (Isenberg started James Starks, -0.5 pts)
- Pierre Garcon (WR, Indianapolis) - 11 points (LTD started Hines Ward, 2.5 pts)
- Dustin Keller (TE, NY Jets) - 10.5 points (Superiority Complex started Kellen "I'm a SOLDIER!" Winslow, 3 pts)
Congratulations go out to the G Series with no entrants this week. Optimal lineup.
Week 4 approaches and it's not safe even at the top. Look for injuries to Charles and Britt to put serious dents in both teams' chances to continue undefeated.
And can Bougie and Re Up be anything but defeated after Week 4? Full preview coming this Friday.